Monday, 3 June 2013

Skid Mark Free Underpants (Living With Mum 19)

And so it came to pass that the good Lord begat Mothers and made them supreme heads of the familyunitandtribe and God gave them the gift of hindsight which only God knows why. The tribal elders accepted them and declared that all mothers held great power and that such great power deserved a seat and so the mothers sat on theirs. And after a while it became apparent through the wisdom of words which were inscribed on caves and tablets of stone and just there above the fireplace that mothers words were paramount and that no force on this planet, not even fathers after a pint or three, could forestall this wisdom. And so it was that these words were descaled as absolute wisdom. And verily life has ever been this way.

“Make sure you wear clean underpants in case you get run over by an ambulance.”

That is it; the sum total of mother’s wisdom passed down to me. Always make sure your underwear is clean. Not to ensure that my mind is pure or my soul virtuous but my Y-fronts are fresh. I have to say, as a point of clinging desperately to some sort of fashion chic, that I categorically do not wear Y-fronts. I was being ironic. I wear boxers, Not the drooling dribbling pug nose dog you understand that would be both gross and illegal but the (name dropping here) Calvin Klein type things that I used to take the piss out of granddad for wearing.

Like Mrs Bucket my mum is keen on keeping up appearances. So please remember the next time you see me; if I look a little slovenly, shabby even, perhaps a little unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed, then rest assured my underwear is pristine.
all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?


Spectra Ghostseeker said...

My mother was on me last week in attempt to get me to cut my hair. Never mind that when my hair is short I look like my nickname should be "Butch." Nothing wrong with that if that's the impression you're trying to create, but I'm not. She believes that women of a certain age should not have long hair and that I look like an old hippie. Well, that shoe happens to fit.
At least she hasn't talked to me about my underwear in recent memory.

Russell Duffy said...

Mine is just the same about women with long hair after a certain age. Why? What happens and when? It all perplexes me.

Vanessa V Kilmer said...

Combed hair, proper bowel movements and clean underwear. Three things that will get you somewhere in life.

Russell Duffy said...

Nessa>>>So say mum's eh?

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