Thursday, 21 February 2013

The Big Freeze of 2013 (Living With Mum 4)

In all matters, certainly where money is concerned, Mum’s motto is save, save, save. Noteworthy though it seems it sometimes strikes hard especially first thing in the morning when, as a cost saving exercise, the heating is turned off. I get out of bed shivering as my skin goes goose-bumpy, my breath leaves puffs of steam and my manhood shrinks to the size of a button as it tries to find comfort within my groin. I didn’t realise that the penis could burrow but mine can when the frozen fingers of Jack Frost bite. I have never had much of a male member in the first place but seeing it shrivel like this does affect a chap’s self-esteem somewhat.

The shower proves a blessed relief as it is piping hot. I luxuriate within its confines as feeling returns to my extremities. Any toes that may have snapped off in my walk from bedroom to bathroom are placed in the fridge for storage the better for surgeons to stitch missing bits back later.

Starting work is no better. I sit in what used to be the third downstairs bedroom – now the dining room – warming my hands around a steaming mug of tea. Mum, wrapped in a thick blanket sits watching from her easy chair. I ensure that I am multi-layered. By that I mean I wear T-shirt under shirt under jumper under jacket with scarf thrown around neck, fingerless gloves on hands and knitted woollen hat on head. Of course I exaggerate but you get the picture? It is perishing cold and wimp though I may be I like my home comforts - heating being one.

By the way my Mum’s name is Eileen. Friends and family call her Liz.  I think it better if we call her Ebenezer don’t you?



all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?


Perfect Virgo said...

For our parents' generation austerity never went away, I think.

Anonymous said...

My mother's name is Sharon. She isn't particularly miserly with money, but she really doesn't understand where she got this freak of a daughter. I was supposed to be the perfect little lady. Instead I'm...well...THIS!

Russell Duffy said...

PV>>>English only I suspect and due in no small part to that perenial favourite at tea times, family gatherings and funerals - "THE WAR."
("It wasn't like it in my day")

Russell Duffy said...

The Real Cie>>> Perfect woman?

Shadow Lor said...

I am eternally grateful that my mother didn't ascribe to that school of thought. Climate control is the second greatest thing ever invented, topped only by power steering.

ryn: I'm not better, you silly, I'm just different. But thank you for the lovely compliment ^_^

Russell Duffy said...

Shadow Lor>>>All my poor Mum's faults are greatly and wilfuly exagerated here. Must be the writer in me!

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A Utility Fish Shed Blog

A Utility Fish Shed Blog