For years the mood swings that have plagued my life have been blamed on my diabetes but then everything that goes wrong with me gets blamed on that disease.
I have for a long while now hidden my Borderline Personality Disorder under different sets of excuses. There are no excuses to offer. It is a horrible condition but one that can only truly be controlled by the sufferer. I can be the most charming of people at one moment before turning into Satan personified the next. To say I hate myself is ludicrous; to say I dislike the way I am at times is more honest.
Silly things, often of little or no importance, will take hold of my thoughts, almost in an obsessive way. Once this happens I find it very difficult to concentrate on anything else.
I have created bedlam at times making life unpleasant for others often those I love the most. I am able now, with great effort, to control that horrid behaviour but still, at times, the old madness takes hold.
I make no bones about it, I can be awful on occasion.
I am not going to apologise yet again to people I may have hurt or abused. I have done it once and if they are unable to accept a genuine sorry when given then so be it.
Life is short though, I am turning my life around and will continue to do so without the want of forgiveness or sympathy.
On another note, a far more pleasant one, Fekenham is still selling and now I will soon be in a position to market them properly. Book One of the Walks is now ready to be edited. Book Two is being re-written. The Walks will form a trilogy and although ostensibly will feature walks around initially Essex then London then possibly Ireland, they will also contain self examination, observations, essays and even some short stories. I am still working on the Simian Simpering book of short stories but also on two other projects.
The first is called 'Bogus' and is far more literary than Fekenham but also another called 'Mother Love.' Both are quite dark. The first features a paedophile as its main character and is being drafted without chapters. Instead there will be blocks of text of about 500 words each.
all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: https://www.amazon.com/author/russellduffy -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?
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