Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Mum and the Royal Celebrations

The Queen’s birthday bash went as well as any monarchist could have wanted and as badly as any republican (me) had the right to expect. All the ‘old guard’ were brought out to entertain her Majesty including Kylie, Tom Jones, Robbie Williams, Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, Gary Barlow, Sir Elton John, The Army Wives with a cast of hundreds, Annie Lennox, Madness, Stevie Wonder, Shirley Bassey and yes, of course, Sir Paul McCartney. I sat with my Mum after I had desiccated some of her bushes in the front garden. I was meant to trim them but I am lethal with a hedge trimmer. Mum moaned in all the places I thought she would. ‘She can’t sing and why’s she wearing wings? Do they like making spectacles of themselves?’ (Evidently ‘they’ do Mum.) ‘He can’t sing! Do You call that singing? He’s just shouting. That’s not singing.’ (You have indicated this before Mum – 1950, 1960, 1970, 1980, 1990,2000’s and on). ‘That’s never her face. She’s had a face lift or buttocks injection (Botox Mum) or something!’

Elton John is disgraceful. ‘How could ‘they’ let him marry and adopt a child? It goes against God.’ (Personally, I don’t think it does but if there is a god out there so vile and twisted then I wish he would go fuck himself). ‘Of course, Harry isn’t Charles’s son you know, he’s that Rugby player.’ (he does have ears just like the Prince of Wales, Mum.) ‘Yes, but ears aren’t like DMA (DNA Mum) they don’t define a character. That boy is not a Windsor.’ (The Windsor’s aren’t Windsor’s Mum, they are Hanoverian’s – German for short.) Paul McCartney was okay though even if his music wasn’t up to scratch (‘Magical Mystery Tour and Live and Let Die.) ‘I always liked those four boys.’ (Except when Lennon told the Royal family to rattle their jewellery, Mum.)

There are some things with Mum that are a given. The Conservatives MUST win the General Election. Cambridge MUST win the boat race and West Ham MUST win the Premiership. Two of those happen at intervals and one never has, not in my lifetime at least.

Mum’s eh? Bless ‘em.

all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: https://www.amazon.com/author/russellduffy -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?

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