Thursday, 18 April 2013

The Creature from the Black Lagoon (Living With Mum 11)




Having eaten something, digested then deposited it in the normal fashion I really do not expect to be greeted by it again when I next return to the scene of my ablution. Mum’s insistence on forever thinking of the environment means her utilising the economy flush in the WC. Economy flush is perhaps too grand a description; more like a large plastic box that prevents the thingy from fully depressing thereby stopping adequate water to flow into the cistern. This is all well and good, commendable even, but to see her shuffling along laden with a bucket of water from the kitchen sink only to it pour down the lavatory strikes as being bonkers.
    What is the point I ask myself?
    The thought of coming face to face with what could be a creature from a B movie, ‘The Monster from the Deep’ perhaps or better still, ‘The Creature From Beyond the U-Bend,’ is not something I welcome before brushing my teeth.
My guilt knows no bounds so I instantly question my functions. Is it me? Am I eating things that when bidden a fond adieu are larger than the average? Are my deposits less sterling and more bullion? Or is there something else causing this unpleasant state of affairs?
Like the euphemistically named economy flush for example?
Of course I, knowing my place in the scheme of things, keep lip well buttoned. I suppose I could make an argument for the opposition expounding how using mega gallons of H2O from the tap, faucet, spigot, spout, valve or whatever term you prefer, hardly presents a positive case on behalf of the Green Party.
When I did meekly enquire why she was forever carrying endless amounts of liquid she cryptically answered it was due to ‘light waste matter.’ Thinking this might be similar to ‘heavy water’ I just nodded and ‘ermed’ a bit - science never being my strong point.
My fear is this; one day as I enter the cloakroom, just as I tug at the light cord, there will come an odd gurgling noise, throaty and wet. I will turn to see a baleful beast with tentacles thrashing licking its savage beak as it eyes me up before attempting to climb out of the old porcelain trumpet. This could be the first case of flushed faeces feasting on human flesh, a case of food fighting back. And all for the want of saving water!


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all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: https://www.amazon.com/author/russellduffy -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?

4 comments:

Tempest Nightingale LeTrope said...

Those economy flush privies never do work very well when the flush contains toilet paper or things generally not mentioned in polite company. Then one has to flush twice, so it really isn't all that economical.

Russell Duffy said...

Dear Ms Le Trope,

Would you please do me the kindness of telling my mother of that fact?

I would be so awfully grateful.

RD

Vanessa V Kilmer said...

Tell your mum to put her buckets outside to collect rain water for her extra flush or eat less fiber.

Flash 55 - Visual Vexations

Russell Duffy said...

Nessa>>>Eat? I wish she ate more fruit. The buckets may be the best idea as she has two water butts.