Mother’s latest practise of imitating mid-flight flatulent ducks continues apace. It is not a skill I am accustomed to having never had the desire to throw my head back, close my eyes before sucking in vast volumes of air only to expel it with a gusto that matches the raucous sounds of a gaggle of geese or, in the case of Mum’s nasal capacity, a skein of ducks.
Mum doesn’t, unlike me, have a large nose. It is small but has what can only be described as of having hidden depths.
I have to admit to nursing a certain amount of admiration for her as the quacking’s she emits are as realistic a noise a nose could make without it becoming a beak.
Imagine the sight, if you will, of an elderly lady whose head has reclined comfortably on the back of an armchair. Her eyes flutter a bit then the old jaw slides open revealing a set of tonsils that could remove the rust from the hull of a battleship. From this cavernous maw comes a heavy whoosing as air is dragged in (much like the turbines of a jet engine) before being propelled out again with the maximum velocity of a rocket ship bound for some distant star system.
Fortunately there are no wild fowl near the vicinity of mothers open mouth for if there were they would get sucked in only to bash, feather and wings, against that old wobbly palatine uvula before being fired out again at the opposing wall.
There is a sort of rhythm to this snoring, something Stockhausen might have employed or perhaps Edgar Varese in one of their cacophonous symphonies. It is a strange cadence that hacks and quacks with machine gun regularity. Sadly I find nothing of note to recommend it to musicologists or though there may be one or two ornithologists whose fancy mothers snoring might take.
Since I struggle to write when faced with such a din I am forced to accept defeat and join my mother for forty winks. Who nose, maybe we will compose our own symphony de sinus?
**** The image used is not of my mother. It was taken from an image on the internet.
all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: https://www.amazon.com/author/russellduffy -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?