Monday, 4 March 2013

Tea with Rosie Sliteworth and Wilfred Hardbottle (Fekenham Swarberry)

Rosie Sliteworth is a woman of certain vintage. She, much like good Bordeaux, has not only worn well but has, as she would insist, improved.  She is a female of robust proportions if somewhat vertically challenged. This should not imply Rosie is short but just that she has managed to attain accepted standards for people of five feet.
When widowed some seven years ago the future seemed to narrow; horizons appeared to shrink but then God (Rosie is a devout Anglican) did what God does best and spun a googly at leg wicket. The chap bowled over by the almighty’s deft ball spin was Wilfred Hardbottle. At eighty six young Will, as Freddy Allcock now ninety seven affectionately calls him, was well and truly stumped.
Wilfred had not paid much attention to cupid nor his blessed arrow since his first love had passed away some years before. When seeing the ad in the Fekenham Gazette – Woman of Needs seeks Virulent Vintage male - Wilfred’s eyes lit up. Upon meeting her at the local Pensioners Hop parts of Will did things he thought no longer possible.
Since then the pair have been as firm a fixture as fixadent and gums.
I thought it would be nice to invite the elderly courting couple out to Molly Sharptacks Tea Rooms for a spot of tiffin. Molly’s is the ideal spot for cake, coffee and crumpet with its genteel ambience. Of course the treat was mine.We sat together at a table near the conservatory end. I ordered a pot of tea for four (one extra just in case) and a slice of lemon drizzle cake. Molly had fruit cake while Wilfred sunk his dentures into a large cut of chocolate fudge surprise. It wasn't the only surprise on offer.
As we sat sipping English tea in polite society I asked the pair what the secret of their youth was.
“Sex,” insisted Rosie, “and at least twice a day or more.”
“Really?” I hesitantly asked, “but don’t you find such activity tiring at you age?”
Rosie chortled then replied. “Just because the light grows dim doesn’t mean the candle flame has gone out.”
I nodded my understanding still feeling confused. Wilfred then added, “Sex at our time of life is like walking up a steep incline; you take it nice and slow and when you get to the top the view is still fantastic.”
And who am I to argue?

all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?


The Real Cie said...

I think it's very lovely that Rosie and Wilfred found each other!

Perfect Virgo said...

I've always fancied a nibble in Molly Sharptack's Tea Rooms!

I like how you've craftily inveigled yourself into the scene.

Russell Duffy said...

The Real Cie>>>And at their age too.

Russell Duffy said...

PV>>>I only appear in these vignettes. The village have banned me from doing a cameo in the books!

Vanessa V Kilmer said...

This is so romantic.

I love reading about village life. It sounds romantic, too.

btw - I loved your limerick.