Thursday, 7 March 2013

Living In The Past (Living With Mum 6)

“You really must stop living in the past and look to the future.” said Mum following my attempts at educating her of the truth behind the man the world knows as Jesus. “It is a policy I always try to follow. You should too.”she said rather stiffly
    This latest admonishment came after my reading of Naomi Alderman’s book ‘The Liars Gospel.’ I suppose I should have known better than trying to use historical detail. Mum is after all a devout Christian and the one thing persons of faith dislike is something as asinine as fact.
    We returned to our reading. Mum Jennifer Worth; me another Wodehouse.
    The clock heavy hung with the ticking of time.
    I turned the page as the doorbell rang. It was the phlebotomist making her regular visit. Mum is on Warfrin and so they monitor her levels. I offered to make a cup of tea but both mother and medic declined. I went back to work sifting for more prospective clients. Imagine my shock when overhearing the conversation that ensued.
    “Well of course my dear in my time we didn’t have washing machines or tumble dryers, we hand washed everything and then used the mangle. There were bomb craters the size of mars in our back yard, Hilter was knocking at the French doors, Mussolini was in the pantry and the only thing saving us from abrupt defeat was Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall. We didn’t have all the luxuries you young people enjoy.  There wasn't any toilet paper. We had to use newspaper cuttings to wipe ourselves with (the newsprint played havoc with my piles.) My Dad used to shave using sandpaper wrapped in a brick. We washed in puddles the rain left and we didn't have shoes so painted our feet black. There wasn't any chocolate or nylons to wear so we sold our bodies to the yanks (handsome chaps too, kissed like sink plungers) for the pleasure of a nibble on a banana. We were poor but they were the best days of our lives.”
    What was that about me living in the past dear old parent?
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all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: https://www.amazon.com/author/russellduffy -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?

6 comments:

The Real Cie said...

My mother is a Catholic, converted from a rather bible-thumping Baptist sect. A housemate of one of her aunts was so rabidly fire and brimstone that she believed cats were of the Devil because they go around with their tails in the air showing everyone their private bits, and the legs of tables and chairs should be covered at all times because bare legs are sinful. I joke you not! I can see where this lot made Catholicism look positively liberal by compare.
My father was Catholic, which was my mother's motivation for converting. Nonetheless, even the Papal Bull seems like pure moderation when sized up against the Sect of Chair and Cat Haters.

Hobbes said...

And a past with such lovely details, too.
We don't really know a whole lot of facts about Jesus, do we? But we know enough to know a lot of the "facts" in the Gospels are wrong.

Russell Duffy said...

The Real Cie>>>I have to be honest here; much of what I write on this subject is grossly exaggerated. Mum is no bible thumper. In fact when I quote the bits I despise from the bible (Yahweh telling Abraham to barbecue his son or the bit about the angels arriving and Lot telling them to gang bang his daughter) she has no knowledge whatsoever of these things. She is, in the nicest and often most irritating of ways, rather simple of faith. As a Salvationist she is more than happy to clap along singing some awful hymn smiling sweetly at passing strangers keen to go about their business!!

Russell Duffy said...

Hobbes>>>You only have to read Josephus or the Torah to know that nearly all of what the bible suggests is wrong. The name Jesus is, as far as I know, of Greek origin. There is scant info about the so called messiah in historical documents written at the time. The only person who may have been this son of God,' and there is little known of him either, is Yehoshuah ben Joseph.
I tend to think Jesus is much like Lao Tzu, possibly someone whose exploits come from another man or men to fashion a myth of gigantic proportions.

Vanessa V Kilmer said...

I could have sworn I commented on this post. Something about Catholics and Pagans and The Jesus Dynasty by James Tabor.

Russell Duffy said...

Nessa>>>Sounds like a good book. I shall look it uo.