Having been despatched to collect groceries from local Sainsburys, I tootled off with recycled bag in hand. It was nippy out but sunny which lent an air of pleasure to such a mundane task giving rise to the thought of spring with buds budding and flowers blooming – all that sort of caper. The list shoved into my paw wasn’t overly extensive containing a few rudimentary requirements. I bowled into said supermarket, hacked around the isles at Barry Allan speed, and then joined the queue of one elderly lady, humped of back pulling a grumpy wheeled sack and a young chap wanting to buy Marlboro Light. Once my turn arrived, after exchanging a few pleasantries with the plump but attractive lass behind the counter I meandered back the way whence I came.
Upon entering Mum’s I saw, much to my amazement, four bottoms facing heavenward. Mum was seated in front of the gathered derrieres like some pagan idol whose feet the assembled buttocks had come to supplicate at (if indeed bums can be supplicant).
Recognising the assortment of backsides from their uniforms as being Salvationists and assuming they had dropped something I too got onto all fours then adopted a similar pose: buns up and kneeling.
“Lost something?” I enquired. “Small change, contact lens, safety pins?”
The look I received was as scathing as a look could be.
“We haven’t lost anything,” muttered the po-faced Captain.
“What are you looking for then?” I asked feeling as though I had missed something.
“We are praying!” hissed the good Captains wife.
“Ahhhh!” I said spotting my mistake. “And the arse presentation is part of the tradition?”
If looks could kill I would have been cremated, buried, embalmed then fed to a legion of cockroaches. I felt myself shrinking by degrees under their righteous scrutiny.No buttock baring on this site please. Instead here is a picture of my dear old Maman with her Sally Barmy fiends and fellows. That is the old Duffy Dame on the far left with grey hair. (Not bad for 89 eh?).
all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: https://www.amazon.com/author/russellduffy -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?