Monday, 11 February 2013

Of Ernie Stallworthy (The Village Tales of Fekenham Swarberry)


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I had a drink with Ernie Stallworthy down in the Frog and Radiator the other day. I enjoy Ernie’s company as he, much like my forebears, is a cockney. I guess it is sharing some sort of common ground, a similar accent rather than that soft dialect the locals have that gives us that connection. Blimey, though, he sinks some beer! He must have drunk four pints of Widows Whiskers and me still supping at sugar-free lemonade. I am such a lightweight. The only issue I have with Ernie is his love of pickles. They so upset, as he puts it, his constitution. He and I had a ploughman’s laced with Branston and onions. The foodstuff, when mixed with the ale, made a lethal concoction. He was trumpeting from his rear portal like a Salvation Army brass band. The smell was vile. It effectively cleared the pub in minutes. Villagers fled the public bar like rats from a sinking ship. Still, it was good to see him again even if the methane levels increased by several degrees.
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The image below has been taken from my website which was designed by  Maps.
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all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: https://www.amazon.com/author/russellduffy -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?

8 comments:

Shadow Lor said...

XD always a pleasure to see old friends again, eh?

Ryn: It was Issuu, indeed lol. The thing about Issuu, though, is that it seems to be photographically oriented. As I am a shit artist, I really don't have any sort of visual appeal in my uploads. Do you suppose that it would be an effective medium regardless?

Russell Duffy said...

I see what you mean. It is more visual than text isn't it? Having said that, Don Coorough, an American poet used ISSUU and is now just been published. He has won a contract to produce 4 books. He used ISSUU just for his words so I guess it is possible.
Yes, I think ISSUU is a great way of gaing attention and, if you have enough readers, a great way of making money. Give it try and if it doesn't work look for something that does.
I wanted to stick discharge up here as a mag. Not just for the art but for poetry, prose and a bit of arty farty articles too.

Adam Everhard said...

Hi Cupcake! It's Adam, from the Undead in the Netherworld blog!
I laughed heartily at the thought of old Ernie clearing the pub with his backblasts. My dad, rest his soul, could clear a room when he'd been eating sauerkraut and eggs and tipping back a couple. He never got drunk, but he did enjoy a beer or two on a Sunday afternoon.
It's been a while since I went out for a drink. I could never do it like I used to, but it might be fun to put back a couple sometime.

Russell Duffy said...

Ha ha ha!
Adam Everhard eh? Now that's a name right out of Fekenham. It sits neatly with Lace Firmgrip, Ralph Ramhard and Rupert Snatch-Kiss!

Welcome Adam. Next time you are in old blighty visit the village and I'll take you down to the local pub, The Frog and Radiator.

Oilsforfun-Cristina Homem de Melo said...

great chieff and lemons

Russell Duffy said...

Hi Cristina, thanks for dropping by.. Always good to see you.

Vanessa V Kilmer said...

We have two bars at my house, one out back and one in the basement - they are collectively called The Empty Bottle and Crushed Can. I am in the process of doing an olde style pub sign. I would love to have a pub near my house to visit even if some olde codger toots us out of the place. And I love pickles. :)

Russell Duffy said...

Nessa>>>Pubs are cool, quaint even. One near me is old, very old. Possibly as oldas America. sadly, pubs are closing down in the UK at the rate of maybe 10 a week.