Thursday, 7 February 2013

Digestion and Detectives (Living With Mother 2)

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We sat down the other night, Mum and I, with dinners on trays for what is fast becoming a ritual. As we eat we watch TV. It is a routine that is remarkably similar to a ‘groundhog day.’ Perhaps that expression doesn’t do adequate justice to our shared evening’s entertainment; perhaps ‘loop’ more ably describes events., or better still 'loopy'  For it strikes me this is what’s happening and as it does it is driving me ever so slightly loopy in turn.

Heartbeat’ is first on followed by the god awful ‘Murder She Wrote. ‘ (at this juncture I volunteer to wash the dishes as I’d rather do that than be subjected to a pale version of a poor Agatha Christie copy) then follows, in varying order, ‘Midsomer Murders,’ ‘Poirot’ or ‘Miss Marple,’ ‘Lewis’ or ‘Wycliffe’ and occasionally ‘Doc Martin.’

I have nothing against any of the above, apart from the appalling M S .W. How could I? They all contain elements used in my own Fekenham Tales. I suppose what galls me most is when Mum says she doesn’t much like television and seldom watches the damn thing. Why then, when she does, do we have to sit and watch the same old stuff repeated ad-nausea?

She, being my mother and not something the cat dragged in, turned to me the other day to ask if I had enjoyed the stewed apples she had cooked. I said I had. “Did they work” she asked. I replied a little nonplussed: “Work, how do you mean?” Mother eyed me knowingly at this point then responded in code, “Do they keep you regular?”

Regular?
This is it then. This is what happens when, only thirteen months away for sixty, life begins to take on a different shape. The repeated, homogenised TV shows and conversations regarding bowel functions. What next? Must I submit to wearing grey flannels, a blue jacket decorated with brass buttons maybe take to wearing dentures? Please say it isn’t so

 Oh gawd help me.

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all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: https://www.amazon.com/author/russellduffy -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?

6 comments:

Tempest Nightingale LeTrope said...

I confess to liking Murder She Wrote. Please don't hate me.
My mother is a retired, old-school nurse. There is not a single dinner conversation where that woman doesn't bring up bowel functions. I'm also a nurse, and my son is studying to be a doctor. But both of us would be just as happy not to talk about ye olde bowels during dinner.

Russell Duffy said...

LOL. Don't be daft. Like Murder She Wrote all you want. It is probably me. Getting grumpy in my dotage!!
I watched AC/DC the other night though. Does that keep my cool count up?
:)

Nessa said...

I, too, must confess to liking MSW. Never required much work.

I have been subjected to bowel movement conversations all my life. I think this is the conversational subject that first caused me to start tuning out during conversations with other people and go on little mental outings.

Flash 55 - Dreams

Russell Duffy said...

Nessa>>>I think I might join you on one of those outings.

Russell Ragsdale said...

At my age, I just turn a very convenient deaf ear.

Russell Duffy said...

Russell>>>Good advise most gratefully received. Thanks old friend.