At times I believe in Karma but that is not the same as what comes
around goes around. It does though; it does go around only to come back to haunt and harrow you. The notion of Karma influencing how you are in the next life is
beguiling. I sometimes feel I need to add more good Karma to outweigh my bad
but I know that is an uphill struggle. At
times.
At times. I feel the resolve of the Jesuit. It pulses through me
with a conviction I find hard to fathom. Then I wake at four in the dirty dawn
and I feel all I have drain into a crumpled paper cup that has been scrunched
in someone’s fist. Daybreak can be like that: a new day brings a new life but
before it does comes the pain of rebirth with the knowledge of self and knowing
yourself is excrutiating. At times.
At times. I wander down dusty corridors looking at shelves stacked
with books. In each book is the story of a life; a life lead and now dead. All the
deeds of the individual are in the book recorded for posterity for the librarian
to read but also for anyone half interested in what that life amounted to. Some
lives are better than others, some make a greater story. At times.
At times. I play solitaire, placing one card down after another, digging
around in that pack for cards to follow suits. The frustration of the game is
balanced with the patience I must allow. Each time I flip a card I hope it is
the one that will lead me on until I finally achieve the goal of having all the
cards there on the table in front of me, all sitting in convenient rows, neat
lines of tens, nines, eights and so on. It is a game that makes sense, it makes
perfect sense. At times.
.
.
.
all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy.To view my books on Amazon/Kindle go here: https://www.amazon.com/author/russellduffy -- For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?
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4 comments:
At times, I wish everything was easy and the same. At times, I'm so bored i could scream.
This sounds like a seesion of psychotherapy where we sit down with ourselves and ask: what's troubling you Russell? The inevitable answer is the same for us as it was for Jack Spicer in "Psychoanalysis: An Elegy" and we have the the same "poem that goes on for ever." You are very honest, my friend!
Nessa>>>I know what you mean. Doing nothing sounds great until you have nothing to do then the boredom rushes in.
Some years ago I had to take 'garden leave.' The idea sounded great but then I was told I had to work my graden leave out of an office. Ii sat for three months doing sweet FA. It tdrove me nuts!
Russell>>>Self psychotherapy perhaps!
Being honest is, I think, the only way to be about yourself as long as it doesn't slip into self pity.
I have to say that Jack Spicer is new to me. I shall check him out. Thanks for the input old friend.
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