After so many upsets, delays and obstacles thrown in the way of my getting published here is yet another. Without clarification or opportunity to apologise Dave has elected not to illustrate my books. From a diary entry I made of which he took exception and without speaking to me first or allowing me to explain, he, acting as both judge and jury has found me guilty and passed sentence. In fairness he had a point the entry could easily be misconstrued but nonetheless it was never intended to cause hurt or offence but was my fears given to black and white.  All artwork has been thrown away. He now will not be working on the Fekenham books. Not my choice though.

I have done a great many foolish things in my time and perhaps this in another but to throw away the artwork like some petulant child without knowing the full truth or having the courtesy to confront me is, in light of my situation, unforgivable.

Imagine a lover finding a note that says “Saw Fred last night. Had a great time with him. He is such a smoothie. He kissed me goodnight under the street light then told me he loved me.” The partner reads this and thinks the worse then files for divorce. It later transpires that she doesn’t love Fred and the kiss was a peck on the cheek.

I feel angry because A, I have screwed up but B because I know I would have communicated my hurt had the situation been reversed. I wouldn’t have simply thought the worse without finding out first. What really annoys me is the self-indulgent blind leap to the wrong conclusion. The negligent lack of balance in judging me without establishing why I had done it or allowing me to put it right. Christ even national newspapers make formal apologies.. The wilful forgetting of how I have tried to help when he has faced hardship.

Yes, with hindsight I was wrong but if the situation were reversed I would have talked things over first.

I don’t make friends easily but when I do it is for life, through thick and thin. The one lesson learnt here is that this is not a diary, it is a blog and anyone can and patently does read it. That will change.

Losing someone through death is bad enough but losing a friend over something like this is beyond sad.

I will recover. I always do and as an only child perhaps too selfish and too focused for my own good.

Michael has offered to do the covers but as a collage. Cheryl too has put my name forward to a group of artists. Onwards, ever onwards.

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all words and art are copyright © of Russell 'C.J' Duffy. For another side of CJ go here: sOMeThiNg For tHE wEeKeND, SiR?